Mother's and Father's Wish to Their Children

To my dear child:

On the day when you see me old, weak and weary, have patience and try to understand me. 

If I get dirty when eating, If I can not dress on my own, please bear with me and remember the times I spent feeding you and dressing you up.

If, when I speak to you, I repeat the same things over and over again, do not interrupt me. Listen to me. When you were small, I had to read to you the same story, a thousand and one times until you went to sleep.

When I do not want to have a shower, neither shame nor scold me. Remember when I had to chase you with your thousand excuses to get you to the shower?

When you see my ignorance of new technologies, help me navigate my way through those world wide webs. I taught you how to do so many things, to eat the right foods, to dress appropriately, to fight for your rights.

When at some moment I lose the memory or the thread of our conversation, let me have the necessary time to remember. And if I can not, do not become nervous, as the most important thing is not our conversation, but surely to be with you and to have you listening to me.

If ever I do not feel like eating, do not force me. I know well when I need to and when not to eat.

When my tired legs give way and do not allow me to walk without a cane, lend me your hand. The same way I did when you tried your first faltering steps.

And when someday I say to you, that I do not want to live any more, that I want to die, do not get angry. Some day you will understand. Try to understand that my age is not just lived but survived. 

Some day you will realize that, despite my mistakes, I always wanted the best for you and I tried to prepare the way for you. You must not feel sad, angry nor ashamed for having me near you.

Instead, try to understand me and help me like I did when you were young. Help me to walk. Help me to live the rest of my life with love and dignity. I will pay you with a smile and by the immense love I have always had for you in my heart.

I love you child.

Mom/Dad

Author : Unknown

"Dear Allah, forgive all my sins and my parent's and please loved them with blessed as they have loved and blessed me since I was a child. Amin ya Rabbal A'lamin."

* May Allah swt. give us all the strengths to take good care of our parents with all of our heart untill the end. InsyaAllah.

Farewell Dears

Ku Nur Izzati Ku Ahmad Nasir

Shafira Azhari

Nuralina Maarof

Girls,

We've been learning the same course for 3 years together, used to be so closed, but 

sometimes we used to be apart just doing own things. 

Because they used to help me a lot, I felt like a useless person. So I've put my distance from 

them, trying to be more independent on my own. 

I'm sorry if I've done it wrong. Sometimes I thought we're just done being friends. But trust 

me, I always thought you girls are.

But, seems like I can't believe it now that I'm seeing you girls sleeping by my side, on my 

place :D

One hugging bears like a child, one just calmly closing eyes, but one still struggling editting thesis, fighting! haha. 

They are beautiful :)

On the last day being together in UKM. Never thought that they still treat me as a good friend, like still want to do everything together.

Because we never done this before, trust me it's beautiful. Even just for a moment now, let me treasure it.

I am sorry and thank you, girls. 

(2010-2013)

Contengan Jalanan (Novel . Hlovate) and Me

Hlovate is popular and there are a lots of blogs sharing about his book too. It is worth to share, somehow.

I am not a novel person, and I am not into much too find the new or popular novel in the markets. 

The first time I ever saw this novel was during my reunion with my primary schoolmates (SK Bukit Changgang . 1991) back then in May 2011. My friend, Suhaila brought this novel to read while she having free time. I was attracted to the cover of this novel that is upside down at the back. It looks weird but unique somehow. Back then I never know that Hlovate is popular but the title "Contengan Jalanan" is interesting.

Then I ask Suhaila. "Su best ke novel ni, ni cover dia salah print ke apa?".

She answered, "best jugaklah, Islamic. Huhu cover dia terbalik sebab ada dua kisah dalam ni, setengah pasal Fend, setengah lagi pasal K2,". 

Then I thought, "Oh, Fend dengan K2 ni nama rupanya."

After that, with a blank look I saw the caption on the book writes,

"Contengan pengalaman perjalanan mencari Tuhan"

Oh, Islamic. Just like that I thought it was very good but didn't have feelings to read it.

Useless me, because I was in my happy days I never thought that I would need any sort of thing like that.

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The days gone by to months, I guess the fate stepped in that I have felt the most miserable days in my life of growing up. My heart broke, my days fell apart, I have no sickness but my health gives me thought that I'm dying. I've got skinnier to the bone day by day. It felt so suffering living like that. Lying on the bed uselessly. Falling like you don't even know how to get up, and where to begin.

Allah tested me again and again. Alhamdulillah during those times, I still managed to remember Him, I still realized that I should not give up yet. The tears I shed everyday for over half a year have made me closer to Him. The pain I felt got me the feeling that I want to be reborn again, which means :

"I want to feel alive, again".

The path was blurred in the beginning. As I was searching my way of being a better person as a servant of Allah. The first thing that got me worried is the questions like :

"How if Allah not accept me? How if I return to be the bad servant again? That I will forget Him again? Then my repentance would be useless. It would be worst"


But then I was determined to start at least with changing my appearance of wearing hijab and more proper clothes for a muslimah. I started to mingle again with society and joined a program of 'Bakti Siswa' (BAKSIS) of my residential college in Kampung Sawah Sempadan, Tanjung Karang. It was February in 2012.

That is how I met again with this book when my friend, Atiqah brought it to the program with the same intention like Suhaila. After all that while, just then my heart was opened to flip the pages in between the covers of the book. That novel really gave me a good first impressions and I bought it for myself as soon after I got home in Sepang.

*ABOUT THE NOVEL

The story is around the year of 2004. I guess the novel is based on true story.

As I was in the first chapter, it was like so cool, that Hlovate describing the characters of Fend (Affendy), Ku Kamaruzzaman (K2), and the other friends living as a life of a LIM KOK WING's student. I believe most of young peoples nowadays are dreaming to have their kind of lifestyle.

The lifestyle of freedom with the talents on arts. The lifestyle that you are free on how you want to express yourself along with.

Musics. Paintings. Drawings. Photography. Together with the gadgets and all the hot stuffs.

I told you, they really are soo cool. As a girl, it would seems like you want to fall in love with one of them, he he he.  Okay stop =.= it just physically.


Then I found that the most interesting part in this novel is the beautiful quotes written at the end of every chapter. That is how I learned from this book.



Fend and K2 are friends. They are good students, live well on their own and communicate well with others too. But they were just enjoying the living of being young. They never thought that their souls needs more than what their lifestyle practices. 

The first story about Fend shows how he get the first sign from Allah by knowing a girl named Amalia. He got attracted to the girl and tried to get closer. As he getting to know her, he was amazed that she had the same interest like him which is the underground music. 

But later, he realized that even she had such a cool taste in music, it is not important anymore to that girl, and she said, "banyak benda lain yang boleh diikut". Fend  got puzzled the way she said that. All she got from her then was a CD titled 'The Eleventh Hour'.

Fend was the same like me. Why?

As he got the CD, he never get interested to watch what is contained in the CD until he lose it without realizing. After months then, one day he found back the CD coincidentally while he was tidying his belonging in the locker. Only then he has the urge to watch the contains of 'The Eleventh Hour'..

That was how his story started, and that was when my doubts got cleared. By the phrase :

"The man who decided to change his life on the twelth hour dies on the eleventh".

Yeah, that was when I realized that I've been always dreaming all this time. That was when I realized that I have died on the 11th hour, because I had always decided to change on the twelth.

Astaghfirullah.

As he was still got blurred by all of the meaning of life, the story of Fend continued when he got traveled with his cousin, Chad in Australia. There were a lot of things that he learned there that thought me too. Until the 'lights' come to K2, it was all a very meaningful story in every words.

I feel the story of the novel is very close to me, I guess it is the same with all of peoples out there too. This is the first book that opened my heart to gain other knowledge that I should treasure in this world.

The Meaning of Life.

There are too much that I learned by this novel. It just too much. Too much to write it too.. Hu Hu.

Because its include the quotes of Hadith and Qur'an too.


Some of peoples out there might have known it, the life.

But some are not.
I guess you'll know just when you learned and read it. The Meaning of Life. 

My Unspoken Birthday Wish for You

Dear everyone.

If you ever read this, I beg you please don't get annoyed of it. Because I am just a "common" girl who ever used to fell deep in love with young mind for the first time. The love that happens for us to get the thought of life as we learn to know about it. 

Happiness. Hurts. Laughed. Tears. Hopes. Regrets. Excitement. Frustrations. Everything, 

To You.

"If you ever read this too, you'll know that it's you, and I beg you don't get burden with it please. I was just happened to wrote this on your 21'st birthday, as remembrance of the feeling that ever happened to me. Move on to live your life and be happy please. I hope you smile everyday like you ever did the sweet smile with me. Just know that I'll never regret you."

I guess it is always like this when a girl is in love don't you think?

 

The song "My Cure" by Taylor Swift always reminded me of him because there is a part of his name that's mean "the cure". Indeed he has soft heart to make people calm. I'll always thought him as my cure and I hope he can be the cure of everyone too.

"Today is not your birthday, but you are still growing up. Stay healthy, stay lovely, be a cure, be a great man okey."  :)

#Childish Writing. But still, it's true. Thank You.

We Meet Again, Mr. Dark Blue Morning!

Alhamdulillah.

Hi! It has been a while and this is the day that I managed to wake up early so I get to meet again with Mr. Dark Blue Morning and I am so happy. 히히히히 잘 했어, good job, Sara! :)

I am so fortunate that I was able to sleep early and tight last night, and I still can't believe how cool and fresh   that my eyes feel right now. Alhamdulillah, Allah still helping me that have been trying to at least becoming a better person.

Little by little, each day. I hope I can be better.

Remember:

"Once we manage to do a good thing, we have to continue doing it and do another. Once we did even a little bad thing, we have to stop it, immediately".

Of course, there are a lots of things I have to do, and I am always wishing for the good one. InsyaAllah.

Home Alone, Room Alone.

So here I am.

With one cup of full cream milk, two burgers, and three tomatoes to be eat.

I sit alone.

In a room. In a house.

Companied by the sounds of an old fan and the sound of the PC operating.

By living in college, I used to eat all by myself. 

Even being in a home, I still have to eat by myself.

It's okay.

Being like this seems like a routine for me anyway.

If somebody saw me eating out alone in a cafe,

They would ask, "don't you have friend to eat together"?

There's nothing I could say but smiling.

Because,

It's not that I don't have friends to eat together.

It's not that I don't have family to eat with.

Also,

It's not that I don't want to,

It's just this is how I used to.

Suddenly, 

I heared a "meoww" sound from a corner. 

Approaching me. 

Made me realized that I am not that alone :)

While Others Are

This is one of the Quotes

 that you can hold on to be a better person 

by William Arthur Ward.

Complete, isn't it?

wHOLIburdenDAYS of Break

Today is the last day for the mid-semester of 2012-2013 session in UKM.

We are going to have a week of "wHOLIburdenDAYS" which means a whole full of burden holidays. 

흐 흐 흐 ..

I should not take it as 'burden' actually, because its the job, the job of being a student.

But I feel like it is. I am sorry.

Usually, some students would think that the mid-semester break is the time have some rest,

to have some gap to start anew with something. 

They would spend all the holidays with something that they really wanted to do,

with someone that they really want to be with.

Because I used to be one of the students I knew the feeling of real holidays and I love it.

Since now I am in the last year of my studies, I guess the feeling of having holidays like that is a no no. I am sure for those who are in the same boat as me would feel like that too. For us, this is the one of the most crucial part of the life.

Having a list of lots assignments to do.

Revising for mid-semester examinations is a must.

Plus,

Analyzing the works of the THESIS which takes a lot of credits in the courses list is the most critical one, because this is an individually project that we have to publish, as the course is one of the compulsory majors we need to score to graduate with good pointer. 

It takes a lot more of effort than before because you have to stand a lot more on your own.

Now, my holidays are full of thought of it.

Nevertheless, its better than not having 'holidays' at all. That at least I have some more space to rearrange everything that messed.

Alhamdulillah, thankfully to Allah for everything. 

May Allah ease everything for us.

InsyaALLAH.

Strength

[Remembrance of those hard times]

Yours left, I mean ours left. He was long gone even by the times we laughed together.

Mines left too, of course, when he want to.

I did not tell, but I guess you saw in me.

You saw me weak..

During those times, there's no other strength I have but you, Mother.
I may feel alone somehow, but let all the good memories company me.
I may look weak sometimes, but inside I want to have those strengths like yours.
I might be not perfect, but all I want to do is the best for all.

Yes, somehow I have been falling and giving up.
But I will never forget to crawl back slowly, then walk and run again.

You do not tell but I know, I see it.
I have to be your strength too.

For you Mother, and I hope it can be for everyone too.
I LOVE YOU.

I Miss You, Mr. Dark Blue Morning.

There was the times that I have no problem with this, but lately, I've always (barely) woke up late around 7.00 o'clock in the morning, Just so you know at 7.00 a.m we can see that the sun are already/getting ready to show at the edge. 

This keeps me frustrated since I realized that I am actually in a loss for not be able to wake up earlier. Because at 7 I should just going rush to do my prayer (Subuh) and not able to do much for it, even to get ready for the day. 

I should wake up in a dawn for the good of it,

I am afraid if this going to be a bad habit. 

This is my love/hate relationships with mornings. I love the feeling of the "Dark Blue Morning", the peaceful and fresh, but I hate it that I have a really hard times to wake up just at the right time that I should.

I should try harder, to take in the feeling of starting fresh with lots of hopes for mercy, healthy, wealthy, happiness and loves.

Put the past behinds, renewed the faith and hope for brighter future.

May our tomorrows are better than today's, InsyaALLAH.